‘No man ever steps in the same river twice, for it’s not the same river and he’s not the same man’ – Heraclitus
I died, I’m happy, I begin to see
I like to try new things just as much as anyone, I’ve started a business (which failed), started a blog, art, a meetup and more. You might say I’m doing alright, even call me brave. Yet despite all this, there are parts of my life where I have barely moved, hardly made any headway.
We often think that in order to grow we need to accumulate something. Just add to what we have already. This is why we always seem to want more. More income, possessions, status etc.
But there is an aspect to growth that’s more unpleasant, less talked about and less visible.
To make progress we need to destroy, not just create.
Eric Schumpeter popularised the term ‘Creative Destruction’. According to him it’s a ‘process of industrial mutation that incessantly revolutionises the economic structure from within, incessantly destroying the old one, incessantly creating a new one”
He was talking about economics. But it applies to far more.
History of destruction
‘If you don’t like something change it; if you can’t change it, change the way you think about it’ – Mary Engelbreit
History shows just how much we depend on destruction for change to take place. Old objects get cast aside, buildings get knocked down, homes remodelled, stuff gets thrown away.
It’s how we have arrived at where we are today. Our history can be seen as a path of destruction. This can be seen most of all in science. With discarded theories such as an Earth-centric cosmos, astrology, Newtonian physics, that disease is caused by ‘bad air’ or a miasma. These and so many others have been left behind.
In our mental landscape of ideas we question, doubt, point out flaws and debunk ideas.
By refuting the bad ones we are left with the good stuff. A mental filtering if you will.
It’s about creating uncertainty, of bursting people’s bubbles, especially our own.
In a societal sense, it’s why sceptics, contrarians, rebels, and radicals are around. By questioning the accepted wisdom they help us shed the superfluous and incorrect ideas we can focus on the useful ones.
It’s also part of the work of building and creation. Learning what doesn’t work. Thomas Edison said he found out how not to build a lightbulb. ‘I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work’ – Thomas A. Edison
Another is the making of art When asked Michelangelo supposedly said of his sculpture of David, ‘It is easy. You just chip away the stone that doesn’t look like David’
Not forgetting the editing process used to create this post and all the others! Removing what is not necessary.
In biology your own body is dying piece by piece, cells die and get replaced the new cells.
Or how about a more practical example:
Think of the proverbial needle in a haystack.
The best way to find the needle is not to search the whole haystack.
The best way is to remove from the stack that which is not the needle, i.e. the hay. Making that stack smaller, making the job easier.
To do it the other way without such removal would take far longer.
Creative destruction is the idea that there are two sides to change coin, and destruction is one of them.
There is no greater impact of this than in our personal lives.
Our thinking needs to change
‘Waking up to who you are requires letting go of who you imagine yourself to be.’ – Alan Watts
Whilst it includes physical possessions, toxic relationships and dead-end jobs. Most of all it’s the ideas we have in our head. Which can be described as ‘possessions’.
Those false, erroneous ideas which hold us back through fear.
Our thinking can be twisted so that our conclusions can be blatantly false. We can think we’re a fraud. That ‘nobody like me’, I’ll never be a success’, or that we are no good, we’ll never get better.
Recognising these thoughts as mistakes and casting them aside are the critical steps to success. So the causes of our suffering and unhappiness are loosened, minimised even discarded.
The Far eastern attitude towards growth places a greater emphasis on destruction. In Hinduism Shiva is the God of destruction. The snake is a symbol of this becuase it sheds it’s skin.
Growth naturally happens unless an obstacle prevents it. This is perhaps not something we easily notice or accept.
In Buddhism, it’s the process of Enlightenment. In this religion, the problem is ignorance, which is dispelled by knowledge.
It’s also given that we are all basically good and that what prevents us is we’re being led astray by illusions and falsehoods. The path of enlightened then is a destructive process.
Like a dirty window that obscures the sun, we have to wipe away the dirt to let the light shine out of us.
It’s a clarity of perception. Seeing the world and ourselves more clearly. Knowing the rules of the game.
I tell you it’s an amazing feeling when you don’t have to think or worry about things that are unimportant.
Some of my happiest moments occurred when I recognised the mistakes in my own thinking.
The wonderful feeling of liberation because you’re no longer a slave to those ideas. Possibilities open up, horizons expand, and excitement begins because you understand there’s one less thing holding you back.
All this change in our personal lives is, therefore, a matter of learning to let go. You might call it all this ‘learning how to die’.
To learn how to die means the willingness and practice of testing your possessions (including ideas) and casting aside those that are no longer help you.
Learning how to die
‘Every time I learn something new, a little of the old gets pushed out of my brain. Remember that time I took that wine making course and forgot how to drive?’ – Homer Simpson.
It’s the beliefs and ideas we hold to be true are what makes us what and who we are.
The ideas we hold, the perceptions we have of the world are so important because they affect our behaviour, attitudes, and how we understand the world.
To find the good life, to be a better person involves not so much a path of finding yourself, but more a method of giving up the baggage you carry, i.e ‘self’-destruction.
It’s the skill we need to work on most of all. But is also the hardest one to put into practice.
Progress takes place by getting rid of the obstacles like your fears and beliefs. Which allows your own natural desire for change and growth to take place and find your direction.
This is the skill of Discernment. The ability to separate the wheat from the chaff. It’s one of the most important skills we all need to develop. Success is not possible without it. A shortfall here means we spend too much time and energy on tasks that will not lead to our goals.
We read books on self-help and personal growth. But too much of this advice is on what we need to acquire not on what we need to leave behind.
It’s why failure can be more useful than success. You raise your game by tackling your shortcomings not by practicing what you’re already good at.
Remove that which is not you, which doesn’t work, which is not the truth, that won’t help, what you don’t want, that gets in the way.
Such things a far easier to notice.
It’s in those moments when reality doesn’t meet our expectations. Where there’s a mismatch between the ‘map and the terrain’.
When faced with such doubt do we hold onto the ideas and go with what reality is telling us, or do we hold onto the idea regardless?
The answer is we should let go of the ideas.
What makes it so difficult to let go?
‘There is no knowledge won without sacrifice’ – Jane Hirshfield, poet
This ethos of destruction as necessary can be problematic. We’re afraid to let go of things, we feel we’re losing something important. We cling to possessions as if in a death grip. Even when those possessions have long since lost their usefulness and have become dead weight.
We hold on to them because it’s what gives us a sense of security and identity. An illusion yes, but it makes us feel better. It’s a habit of trying to lock things into stasis. To know that we have something we can rely on.
What makes destruction, letting go so unsettling it because it creates uncertainty. Without the familiar ideas, possession, people around us, we feel disorientated. We use these things like signposts telling us where to go and what to do.
When we arrive home, we do ‘home things’ when we see our spouse, we do ‘partner things’ at work when we arrive we do ‘work things’.
Without such triggers to our minds, we feel a little lost. Remember what it was like when you lost someone close, or you moved home. There were times when your performed habits that were no longer required.
Our minds work on familiarity to form habits.
We metaphorically want to lay down the train tracks before we roll over them. We try to ‘lock the future in’ as a way of getting rid of the inherent uncertainty of trying new things.
It’s our nesting instinct. We need to feel safe and secure and the way too that is to cling to what we know.
It gives our lives meaning too. We know who we are, because of our possessions. Like the story of our past.
To be born into new possibilities means we have to give them up, which courts uncertainty, danger, and doubt. It’s the fear and the trembling of existence.
Change and growth require such risk and sacrifice. This slow continuous circular process of death and rebirth.
I have had to do my own fair share. Even having experiences that I feel was the embodiment of those moments. A few times I have had those moments with I have been struck by trembling fit, with feeling very cold suddenly, which transformed into laughter, euphoria and unbridled joy with tears streaming down my smiling face.
I call these moments, ‘the dreams in which I’m dying are the best I’ve ever had’. In those moments I felt a piece of me died. A fear that has held me back became a little smaller.
The cold I feel always happens when I feel fear, I associated it with the chill of death. Yet from that fear, a joy a passion for life arrives that leaves me with tears and a smile.
This is just one example of me letting go. Of learning how to die. To find peace and accept what is done and know the past doesn’t define our future.
We have to let go of those things that prevent our happiness, success and fulfilment.
What should we let go? A whole lot of things it turns out.
- Being right
- Being the centre of attention ( or not if you’re an introvert)
- Knowing the answers
- Feeling safe
- Having a plan
- Being certain
- Feeling you should be a certain way
- Your old self
- Knowing who you should be
- Knowing what to do
- Believing the world should be a certain way
- Being perfect
- Fear looking like a fool
- Fear of failure
- Fear of success
- And much more
‘We all need to be reborn in life at least once. The problem? It’s continuous, and it hurts.’ – Richard Collison
We seem to spend so much time at war with war with ourselves. Caught between a desire for safety and desire for novelty and change.
We are our own worst enemies and we spend so much time getting in our own way. Chasing after things that don’t matter. Worrying about things that we can’t change, collecting possession we don’t need.
And by golly do we suffer for it! (and so does everyone else). Worse still the planet also suffers under our inept stewardship.
To be reborn is to be born in pain. It’s the agony and ecstasy of our lives. It’s seeing more clearly, life expands, the heart feel more. To love life and the world becuase it’s become a more enchanted place.
To grow and change we need to find the courage to give up on those things and allow space for the new to take its place. It’s probably the hardest thing we can ever do yet that suffering is part of life and growth.
We don’t need to care so much about so much. Instead, focus on the stuff that matters and ignore the rest.
‘The greatest moments of growth I’ve experienced were not the ideas that I adopted, but the ones I let go’ – Richard Collison
What we need to do is learn to suffer in a different way. Not the fearing of change but the greater fear of stagnation.
To find the happiness and fulfilment we seek means giving up on some long-held ideas. Ideas that are preventing our growth.
We have to let them go.
We have to learn how to die.