Loneliness and Anxiety Archives – Page 5 of 5

by Richard on February 5, 2015 Leave a Comment

Prebiotics can have an influence on social anxiety

For the past 10 years or so scientists have become more interested in how the gut acts an an influence on the brain.

Recent research shows that the bacteria in our digestive system can play a role in our mental health.

Supplements designed to increase the health promoting bacteria may have an anti anxiety effects.

Where as probiotic supplements are the bacteria themselves, prebiotics are the short chain carbohydrates that the ‘good’ bacteria feed on. Supplying these aids in their growth and proliferation.

A recent double blind controlled study looked at 45 healthy adults who took either prebiotics or a placebo (to act as control) every day for three weeks. At the end they were subject using a computerised battery of tests to see how individuals process emotionally charged worlds and facial expressions designed to assess the processing of emotionally salient information. [1]

The results show that those who took the prebiotics had paid less attention to negative information, and more towards positive information compared to the control group.

Biases in the processing of information, more vigilance to threatening and danger signs is greater in anxious individuals compared to non-anxious. Tests that show this are considered markers for anxiety and even depression.

Reductions in attentiveness to negative information and more towards the positive suggests individuals have become less anxious using this supplement.

Those subjects who took the prebiotic also had less cortisol in their saliva, a stress hormone linked to anxiety and depression.

It’s well known that the brain sends signals to the gut, but this research and others show this its a two way street of information. What happens is signals are sent from the gut to the brain affecting it’s function and therefore our own consciousness. Such a link has be noticed where patients with mental health problem also have issues with their digestive system. Fro example Irritable bowl syndrome, indigestion, coeliac disease and others.

There is now convincing evidence that our mental state is affected by our digestive tract which means what we eat is an important part of our mental health.

It’s something I learned in my nutrition education. That our diet has important and far ranging effects on us beyond the supplying of calories and macro or micronutrients.

It should be noted that the effective prebiotics were the Bimuno®-galactooligosaccharides, (B-GOS), not fructooligosaccharides (FOS).

For more information of the effects of lifestyle and diet on our mental health subscribe to my newsletter and get updates as I write them. Also check out my social media pages.

Prebiotic intake reduces the waking cortisol response and alters emotional bias in healthy volunteers – Springer. [cited 2015 Feb 3]; Available from: http://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s00213-014-3810-0/fulltext.html#CR12

by Richard on January 14, 2015 2 Comments

To live well is to live in doubt

I watched the film Up recently.

I could not help but cry.

The dreams he had of adventure, the love for his wife. Both gone.

It’s tragic, that our dreams don’t come true. That love never lasts.

I felt as he did, the sense of loss, despair, hurt.

Even though I have never been in love. I felt his pain.

Dreams not fulfilled, love that refused to die, but the object of affection is gone.

To have someone that means so much to you, that you’re not sure you can go on without them. Yet people say you should, rubbish. You say to your lover you can’t live without them. Then when they die what do you do when they pass on? Continue, love another. Giving lie to that promise.

What hypocrites, what liars

Life seems seems so ….. pointless. Nothing to hold onto, nothing certain. We arrive, we live we pass on. Death terrifies me.

All those ideas, religion, about what lies beyond. They are nothing! Just speculation, they know nothing.

Helping others, what’s the point. They to will pass on. Nothing remains.

Everything turns to dust.

All those achievements, dreams, deeds, memories, everything will one day be gone, forgotten.

Sometimes I feel it would be better to be nothing. Better to end it all.

Am I wrong here? To try and define life, to find the truth of it. To seek permanence.

How dare I! To presume to think that I could find the truth of existence. I don’t, at least no longer believe in such things. There is no objective truth, no God, no meaning. Life is pointless, meaningless with no intrinsic value.

Such presumption to think there is. Yet despite the fear, the meaningless.

A part of me cannot give up. I still remain.

Hope. It still burns inside me. To be more, be great, be valued. To have it all mean something.

Perhaps that’s what nobility really is. An attitude that can only exist as opposing tragedy. The Greeks perhaps knew this. Noble death, where art though?

Damnation, to be in such torment!

We are cursed. Given life but with no meaning. So we dangle, wriggling, above the abyss.

Desperate to live, to know why, yet fate decides we always fail. A tragedy is our lot. To know despite all our effort it will all be dust.

What am I to do?

What I see around me, I see as it’s truth. One day it will be gone. Everything is tinged with tragedy. Nothing seems worth doing.

So I pretend I don’t see this. See the emptiness, the impermanence.

Do I live, and cling to hope? Or loose myself in the baubles of existence. The flashing colours, the chitter chatter, the grinding gears? The flotsam and jetsam. The fake smiles, insincere words, hollow gestures? The banality and trivialities that see around me disgust me, yet entertain me.

Is this it? All there is?

I’m so afraid, and so alone in my desperation. So cold and desolate.

Once again, perhaps I’m wrong, full of crap.

Maybe it’s just a question of living of life of authenticity. No longer hiding who you are. Taking this existence and squeezing what you can out if it. Not the superficial trappings that make me question humanity. Like the headlines for Black Friday shopping.

But filling life as much as you can with meaning and connection, the simple things. Leaving the rest to where it perhaps it belongs. In the jurisdiction of the universe itself.

So perhaps I should stop grasping for things that lie beyond what one human life can understand. Though I have a sinking feeling that I will.

Addendum: The morning after the night before.

It’s amazing how a new morning can change your mood. The darkness can lead us to feel so alone.

Our first duty is to the living but the memories of those who have left us.

That’s the message of the film I feel.

Further still since our ideas about reality can be wrong. The idea that life is meaningless is perhaps also wrong. Maybe there is some purpose to our lives beyond what we can pick up.

So we are left with the uncertainty that we just don’t know.

Living with that doubt is what we all must face.

We need to give up in the fanciful dreams of childhood and create newer better dreams of adulthood. Dreams that we could achieve if we really want them and work hard enough.

So choose life, choose dreams, and love. Because fear is not a good enough reason to avoid them.

He has achieved success who has lived well, laughed often, and loved much;
Who has enjoyed the trust of pure women, the respect of intelligent men and the love of little children;
Who has filled his niche and accomplished his task;
Who has never lacked appreciation of Earth’s beauty or failed to express it;
Who has left the world better than he found it,
Whether an improved poppy, a perfect poem, or a rescued soul;
Who has always looked for the best in others and given them the best he had;
Whose life was an inspiration;
Whose memory a benediction.
– Elisabeth-Anne “Bessie” Anderson Stanley

by Richard on January 7, 2015 2 Comments

An open letter to everyone from the introverted, and sensitive.

To the bullies….

You have judged us, hurt us, ostracised us.

You convinced us there is something wrong with us by your word and deeds.

You took away our dignity, our self respect. You told us we were not fit to live in the same world as you.

You left us feeling worthless, powerless, and also perhaps meaningless.

You f*cking a**holes took away everything that was important in life. You’re purveyors of fear. But here’s the thing, I see through your lies, your falsehoods.

You think that just because we don’t rise to your taunts that somehow makes us powerless?

What I am doing now, is to find that passion, that success and happiness that you sucked out of me. It’s not just the writing, not the meet ups. Not facing by own fears and obstacles in the search for happiness.

It’s also a fist of defiance! One that I will connect to your face if you try that shit on me again.

To the other people who kept me small…..

It’s not just bullies, it’s everyone who thinks that we are flawed and needs correcting. Governments, doctors, scientists, parents, colleagues, so called friends, teachers and strangers.

You’re not like the bullies, but in your own way you are far worse. You’re way of demeaning is more subtle, more sinister.

You condemned us as flawed, anti-social, even mentally ill based on your own twisted reasoning.

Preaching perfection, and idealism that we can never match up to.

Your way is the ‘T yranny of the Ma jority‘. The notion that because an idea is popular, that makes it the truth, and those who don’t conform should be made to do so.

Why don’t you play with the others? Why don’t you talk more?

Why? Because we like what goes on inside our own heads that’s why! It’s fascinating in here I tell you, fascinating!

If you could see what I see, know what I know and understand as I do, you would be awe struck.

Were not shy, we are highly sensitive. We have probably noticed things you have not. Thought deeply where you did not. Because of this we may have answers you haven’t thought of, or dismissed.

Such keen insight and depth of receptiveness can make us feel jittery, ragged with emotions.

If this all seems like boasting your right. Because I am tired of being dragged down into doubt, fear and mediocrity by a**holes like you lot. Worse still my own mind tries to sabotage me.

I no longer have to put up with your crap. I see that now.

Maybe I am being to harsh on you. Your own ignorance makes you blind to the flaws in your thinking and beliefs. Meaning you treat us this way because you don’t know any better.

But still it’s hard to accept your behaviour when you ram it down our throats. Thinking that we are flawed and convincing us of the same.

To everyone including those I have mentioned…

Don’t judge us too fast.

We may not want to talk, because we want to think first. But get us onto a subject we feel passionately about and we can talk your ear off.

You may think we are geeky, nerdy. But that’s just a pejorative way of saying that we delve deeply into life, not just skim over the surface.

The banality of existence bores us. We don’t really care who won X factor, or which celebrities are fighting it out on Twitter. The trivial distractions of life are not what we want to talk about.

We want to know truths, whatever that might be. We want the answers to the big questions. We love ideas and want to turn them over in our minds and connect them together.

We want to express ourselves, yes we really do? It’s just that we’re afraid of what you might say because of these attitudes I have already mentioned.

We have so much going on inside that keeping it all in becomes a struggle.

But know this, we are not like you in many ways. That doesn’t mean we are flawed. Nor does that mean there is nothing we can talk about.

We like tranquility, rest, peace and quiet. Come and find us in those places, just don’t make too much noise, or you will ruin it.

Instead of thinking of us as shy, timid, weak, or inhibited. Think of us as discreet, self controlled, contemplative, perceptive, understanding. Yes, there are many words you can use to describe us that are not about our weaknesses, but our strengths.

Think of us as ‘Orchids‘. That is unlike you ‘Dandelions’ we are more sensitive to the environment. Noises, sights, ideas, even our own internal sensations like hunger can leave us feeling overwhelmed.

Being an introvert is difficult in a world that makes so much noise and moves so fast, then condemns us for being different.

Yes we are different than you. Introversion does have value in this world, although we ourselves may not feel that way.

Yes we struggle just like you, doubt, fear, worry, these are things we know very well. But these behaviours can be a way of concealing out strengths.

So if you’re not an introvert, and you haven’t met one of us.

Come up and say hello. Just remember it may take a little time for us to feel comfortable around you, and don’t be surprised if we need to leave early. We can get so over stimulated that we need to take a rest. But become a friend to us, and we will be friends for life, because we really do know how rare they can be.

‘Don’t walk behind me; I may not lead. Don’t walk in front of me; I may not follow. Just walk beside me and be my friend.’ – Albert Camus

I write this in behalf of all of us who notice too much, think too much, and feel too much.

Richard Collison

Image Credit/123rf : Ray Hussey

by Richard on May 29, 2014 Leave a Comment

Trying to fit in? Don’t forget, you are not divisible

You want to say something.

You want to connect to these people.

But there it is again. That doubt and fear that is trying to stop you.

Will I say something stupid?

What if I choke, stammer or mumble my speech?

Will they think I am odd, a freak, weirdo?

I have had moments where I said or did the wrong thing and felt mortified afterwards because of the reaction I had, or might have.

Social anxiety is the fear of being embarrassed or shamed in front of others. We are so afraid of what others will think of us if they see the mistakes and flaws we have. Our response to this is to try and conceal them. We suffer so much by trying to fit in and be liked by others.

I came across this image on the web. It’s a broad guide to the structure of the brain.

The Neocortex, which we associate with thinking.
the Limbic area, which governs our emotions.
and the primitive brain stem, which control basic functions of life like breathing.

Once I saw this I understood, it crystallised advice I have heard for years.

We are supposed to think, feel and have desires. Our brain/bodies are designed that way.

I have often thought that the problem with anxiety and depression is not just the feeling, but the shame for having those feelings.

Imperfections or not?

We seem to have the idea that the only way to be accepted by others is to be without flaws, differences or mistakes.

I remember in psychology there is a difference between guilt and shame. Guilt is about something you have done, but Shame is about who you are.

I feel there is so much about our society, that tries to make us feel ashamed. We are quick to make judgements. Yet we know we all can make mistakes.

Religion has told many of us that we are damned. That our sexuality, anger, jealousy, fear, greed, gluttony, lust are things we should not have, because they are not divine, pure.

I despise this sort of intolerance that questions and judges people because they are different, even though some of the time we all can have those thoughts.

This is because of the perfectionist ideal. Thinking we should never make mistakes, or say something foolish or never hurt others, and not to feel bad when we do.

But these feelings are only just the beginning.

The splitting of the self

Feeling ashamed about of ourselves leads us to try and disown those part we do not like.

The way it happens is we label everything around us including ourselves. Right/wrong, good/bad. Sorting out reality into piles. Over here we have the ‘good stuff’, which we want to keep, and over there the ‘bad stuff’ we want to get rid off.

But we can’t remove our flaws (or what we perceive as flaws). So instead we hide them, and live in fear of people seeing them.

We also believe that we accurately see the world as it really is. We assume that what we believe about the world, is what is actually the case. We jump to conclusions about other people and ourselves based on appearance and behaviour, without considering possible alternatives.

What is more we tend to downplay or even disown our successes, as well as the skills and traits that lead to them. We don’t want to come across as arrogant. By not accepting success or failure what do you have left? Nothing, you feel nothing, empty.

The Dark side

I must also have a dark side if I am to be whole. – C.G. Jung

If I were to remove your fears, your doubts, your worries would you still be you?

To be complete we must honour all our our parts, accept and acknowledge they exist, even those parts we wish we did not have.

Jealousy and envy of another, our capacity for cruelty, our desire to hurt others. All these things are within us. It doesn’t mean we should excuse bad behaviour, but neither does it mean we should condemn a person for making a mistake.

We are part man, part animal. Noble and depraved. That is our existence. Like those mythical creature the Centaurs, part man, part horse.

I see it now, that his is what I have been doing wrong for so long. It feels like a weight has been lifted, because now I can accept that I will make mistakes, and not always succeed.

Accept all that you are, Accept others as they are.

Forgive them as you should forgive yourself.

All this reminded me of the story by Chuang Tse.

The Man Who Was Scared of his Shadow

There was a man who was frightened at his shadow and disliked to see his footsteps, so that he ran to escape from them. But the more frequently he lifted his feet, the more numerous his footprints were; and however fast he ran, his shadow did not leave him.

He thought he was going too slow, and ran on with all his speed without stopping, till his strength was exhausted and he died. He did not know that, if he had stayed in a shady place, his shadow would have disappeared, and that if he had remained still, he would have lost his footprints.

We spend so much tome running away like he did form our flaws.

You are Indivisible

In order to find happiness we need to reclaim ownership over all the parts that belong to us. All the unpleasant feelings you can think of. Anger, doubt, fear, pain, desire, and the rest. That is how you are supposed to be.

It means no longer ignoring the parts you do not like or want, and not be ashamed of what you feel or think. So stop categorising and judging yourself. To love all the parts of you, all the passion desires and thoughts. To deny these parts is like a lion denying it has claws, or a fish its gills.

It also makes me wonder. Perhaps it’s the language and attitudes we use that are really the problem, Is a flaw really a flaw, or just and unused skill? So why should we expect everyone to be good all the time, every time, at everything, to fit in. That is the curse of perfectionism.

Gather up those pieces of yourself you think you would be better of without, and look at them without fear or shame, understand them, accept them, own them.

Our happiness is at stake here and attempting the impossible by performing surgery on our own mind/brain is a waste of time. So stop trying to simplify yourself in order to fit into someone else’s pigeonhole.

Its about being a fully integrated human being.

You are not divisible, so stop carving yourself up.

by Richard on April 30, 2014 Leave a Comment

The fear of connecting, even online

One of my failings that has kept me prisoner for along time is not reaching out and connecting to others.

I don’t ask or speak up first, I usually wait for others.

This does not just manifest itself in face-to-face communication but also online.

As a gamer I usually play the single-player form of games. It’s just me and the computer, no worries, no stress. I am not being scrutinised by anyone.

But I do yearn for the connection that teams have, and the fact that humans are a more challenging opponent than a computer.

In a particular game I was playing this weekend, I wanted to go on multiplayer. I have thought about it before but I often baulked at the last moment.

I was there looking at available games to join, I wanted to pick one and sign up.

But the fear I had was very real. I would be playing as part of a team. My worry was that I would suffer abuse, if I was found to be incompetent. I don’t have a lot of experience playing against or alongside others in most games.

The fear I could really feel in my body, the tightness, a tremor running through me.

It is what has kept me away from connecting to others in games for years now.

My real problem is I have a pessimistic view of others, I expect the worst.

What actually happened was different than I had expected. Lots of waiting, but after a few attempts I came across a couple of guys who were friendly right from that start. We struck up a conversation and had a game.

What I noticed however is that it’s not multiplayer per se that I have a problem with. I play other games in multiplayer and don’t feel quite so much fear. So what is the difference between them?

Responsibility

I feel it’s one of communication and responsibility

A type of game, the First Person Shooter (FPS), it’s not necessary to say a lot, even at all, in order to do well. But in other games like a Real Time Strategy (RTS), coordination between participants really does help to win. It is not required, but it make winning a lot harder.

In FPS the choices you have to make, the things you need to keep track of are far less than an RTS. In those games there is a lot to attend to. You feel like you are being pulled in several different directions at once, with so much going on.

You are trying to keep all the balls in the air at the same time. The result is lots of stress and the constant feeling that you are not doing enough. All this can make the game feel less enjoyable.

Ambient Sociability is the name for playing together, alone. Sometimes we want the company of others but we don’t want to interact. It turns out that a significant percentage of online multiplayer games have people who play without being part of a team. They fight alone, but alongside strangers.

Despite that fact I prefer this Ambient Sociability in both gaming and reality, I would still rather spend time playing within a team, working together. It’s may be a lot more tense, but the feeling of connection and shared purpose I feel will be worth it.

I feel introverts like myself spend far too much time just looking on from the periphery of a crowd, rather than taking the brave move of stepping forward and asking to join in.

What we need to do is overcome that fear, take more responsibility, and connect more. Start playing more outside our comfort zone, participating in a community, a team.

We will only get better by doing it.

What I learned here is just how off base my expectations can be, I may have only made an initial connection here, but I walked away feeling happy and excited.

I also learned that some forms of participation are more stressful than others. With responsibility playing a big role in creating stress.

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by Richard on April 17, 2014 2 Comments

I hate being Nice. Fitting in does not become me

Someone makes fun of me in school because I am shy.

Another pupil hits me, I don’t know why.

A work colleague does not return a tool they borrowed from me.

Another gamer trolls me online for not doing what he want me to do. As if i’m supposed to know.

Someone who I thought of as a friend turns against me.

I don’t speak up, make no protest and don’t fight back over any of these things and more.

Why because that is what my parents told me to do, because I fear confrontation, and I know it’s not a solution. So I accept their behaviour against me.

But there is a part of me rises to these attacks and slights.

Something that is screaming inside of me.

I don’t want to be this nice!

I want to be….

Selfish because I want my needs to be met. Angry because sometimes I just feel that way. Stupid and foolish because looking smart takes effort.

I want to stab people, reek a bloody ruin against those who wronged me.

Those individuals who stand against what I believe in. I want to publicly shame and humiliate for the stupid policies and ideals they stand for.

Those who make my life harder than it should be. Who messed up the android update because it has screwed up my phone’s touchscreen.

Those who don’t play fair. Those who show me and those I care for no respect. Those who did not give to me what I wanted or deserved.

Those who fail to see or dismiss my value. Those who use power for their own ends. Those who cause so much suffering.

I want to f*ck them all over. To break them, beat them and rid the world of them. I want a fight.

All this, being nice all of the time, is making me feel caged and leashed.

I am far better than you, and I want you to know that.

It so much easier, to act upon it, to let the darkside flow.

This is how I feel sometimes, it is one of my flaws.

Being Nice

For a long time I have done my best to cover it up. As a consequence people have sometimes called me nice.

I don’t rock the boat, or speak out of turn. I am polite, and I keep my opinions to myself. I don’t look for a fight and if I am confronted, I walk away.

I have tried to be polite, to fit in and conform, yet a part of me rebels against this.

‘Isn’t Richard nice’. Nice, nice, nice. I hate being nice. Nice is mediocre. It’s what you are when you compromise to fit in.

You end up like Ned Flanders.

Fitting in is mediocrity, that’s what I have learned. To get a successful business or relationship you need to stand out, get noticed. Be known for something by taking a stand.

I have long felt alone, that is because I did not want to fit in. I did not want to be mediocre. Yet that is how I have ended up. I hate been different and felt there was something wrong with me.

Yet when I do try and fit in by being something I am not that is just as bad. When you do fit in a piece of you dies. Part of me never did, never would submit.

It happens to a lot of us I think. We hate ourselves for selling out, being part of the herd. Or we hate ourselves for not fitting in.

You can’t win. You’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t.

Are you with me when I say ‘f*ck to being nice’. It’s now time to raise a ruckus, to stick out, and say what I think.

Stop being so nice, you will feel a lot happier (Though those around you probably won’t).

Perhaps I should start an Anti Nice Campaign?

Anyhow Oakley-Doakley-Do!

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Okely dokely.
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