Someone makes fun of me in school because I am shy.
Another pupil hits me, I don’t know why.
A work colleague does not return a tool they borrowed from me.
Another gamer trolls me online for not doing what he want me to do. As if i’m supposed to know.
Someone who I thought of as a friend turns against me.
I don’t speak up, make no protest and don’t fight back over any of these things and more.
Why because that is what my parents told me to do, because I fear confrontation, and I know it’s not a solution. So I accept their behaviour against me.
But there is a part of me rises to these attacks and slights.
Something that is screaming inside of me.
I don’t want to be this nice!
I want to be….
Selfish because I want my needs to be met. Angry because sometimes I just feel that way. Stupid and foolish because looking smart takes effort.
I want to stab people, reek a bloody ruin against those who wronged me.
Those individuals who stand against what I believe in. I want to publicly shame and humiliate for the stupid policies and ideals they stand for.
Those who make my life harder than it should be. Who messed up the android update because it has screwed up my phone’s touchscreen.
Those who don’t play fair. Those who show me and those I care for no respect. Those who did not give to me what I wanted or deserved.
Those who fail to see or dismiss my value. Those who use power for their own ends. Those who cause so much suffering.
I want to f*ck them all over. To break them, beat them and rid the world of them. I want a fight.
All this, being nice all of the time, is making me feel caged and leashed.
I am far better than you, and I want you to know that.
It so much easier, to act upon it, to let the darkside flow.
This is how I feel sometimes, it is one of my flaws.
For a long time I have done my best to cover it up. As a consequence people have sometimes called me nice.
I don’t rock the boat, or speak out of turn. I am polite, and I keep my opinions to myself. I don’t look for a fight and if I am confronted, I walk away.
I have tried to be polite, to fit in and conform, yet a part of me rebels against this.
‘Isn’t Richard nice’. Nice, nice, nice. I hate being nice. Nice is mediocre. It’s what you are when you compromise to fit in.
You end up like Ned Flanders.
Fitting in is mediocrity, that’s what I have learned. To get a successful business or relationship you need to stand out, get noticed. Be known for something by taking a stand.
I have long felt alone, that is because I did not want to fit in. I did not want to be mediocre. Yet that is how I have ended up. I hate been different and felt there was something wrong with me.
Yet when I do try and fit in by being something I am not that is just as bad. When you do fit in a piece of you dies. Part of me never did, never would submit.
It happens to a lot of us I think. We hate ourselves for selling out, being part of the herd. Or we hate ourselves for not fitting in.
You can’t win. You’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t.
Are you with me when I say ‘f*ck to being nice’. It’s now time to raise a ruckus, to stick out, and say what I think.
Stop being so nice, you will feel a lot happier (Though those around you probably won’t).
Perhaps I should start an Anti Nice Campaign?
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