The critical problems that prevented me from finding happiness

I have been reading up on personal development for at at least twelve years, perhaps longer.

I was exposed to ideas that are in some cases the same ideas I now use as the basis of my transformation.

So the question is.

Why did I not accept these ideas back then and act upon them?

Or to put it more honestly, why didn’t I act sooner and change?

I feel that back then I wasn’t ready.

It’s the Soil and the Seed metaphor. Ideas can only flourish in the right environment, a fertile mind.

I have changed, I’m a different person now than I was back a decade ago. So these ideas have gained traction in my life.

But it still begs the question, why didn’t I believe back then?

What changed in me?

I’m not sure I can give any certain answers, but here’s what I have so far.

To much Distraction

With distractions like computer games I didn’t contemplate my life. What mattered to me or how my life was progressing. Or even if I was happy.

Without that introspection you fail to notice the feelings of doubt, fear and desire that intrude upon life. Like the floaters on our eyesight, they are easily filtered out from our perception.

We really are bad at knowing ourselves and what we want.

Without such insight I failed to see the fix I was in.

The needs I didn’t know I had were not being meet. I was sad, alone, but I had a means of escape which I kept going back to.

Accepting new ideas is difficult when you can’t see beyond your habitual safety behaviours. Those that prevent you from facing unpleasant feelings.

Low self esteem

Back then I failed to see that I had anything to offer anyone.

I didn’t feel as though I mattered, that I was undeserved of success and love.

Without that essential belief in oneself new ideas cannot be accepted. Ideas like success and happiness become something other people aim for, not ourselves.

We doubt our ability to change and grow, thinking we will be like this for the rest of our lives. We become trapped in a trance of low self esteem, and unworthiness.

It’s was when I took a leap of faith that things started to change.

I had to take more than one before anything significant did happen. But I knew I had to try something, without being certain of it.

The lesson here is don’t wait to feel you deserve love and happiness before you act.

I didn’t know which came first, but I know self esteem and success influence each other.

You need to get the ball rolling by taking action, even if you doubt yourself in the process.

No need

Despite my loneliness I happen to enjoy my own company. Solitude at time is perhaps a refuge for me. I had no need for new ideas that would involve the painful process of change.

It’s different now, I do feel isolated and alone. I now need to change.

Perhaps necessity really is the mother of all invention.

You don’t change unless you feel a need to.

Like one of my favourite sayings.

‘When the student is ready the teacher appears’ (Tweet This)

The ideas didn’t take hold in me because my desire for change was not strong enough.

Passion for change must come first before you find the ideas and act upon them.

It’s a feeling of desperation. A sense of time slipping by, death approaching.

I am more willing to try things now because I have to try something before I am gone.

There’s a sense of urgency in me now I never had.

No action

This is important. Lessons can’t be learned unless you act upon them. Otherwise they are just theories.

I didn’t accept these ideas back then because I wasn’t testing them out. Living them.

Experience is far more convincing that any book can ever be.

It’s more visceral, memorable, because we feel it. Rather than just intellectually understand it.

Getting results by taking action upon them has now cemented those ideas in my head. It gives me the drive to look for more, and to act upon those as well.

So ideas are not quite as real if we don’t try them out, test them in the crucible of our lives. To see if they work or not, and to see how they affect us.

‘Knowing the path is different than walking the path’ – Morpheus (Tweet This)

Web of illusion

Another thing that stopped me believing in these new ideas is that, like so many of us, I was trapped in a web of illusion. The perfectionist mindset, the fixed mindset. These are but two that stopped me from changing.

Because I’d didn’t feel I could change. Or what I was aiming for was impossible to achieve, which is demoralising.

I had to let go of these falsehoods, which often come from false authorities. We place too much stock in them. Believing what they tell us.

So much so that we ignore new information, it’s refuted before they even have a chance for success.

What’s needed is a more sceptical attitude. A willingness to challenge authority, and see the illusions for what they are.

It’s difficult because it’s hard work. Becoming aware of old ideas, questioning them and then letting them go.

But this is what’s necessary to make way for newer ideas and values.

It’s why I couldn’t accept them back then. I simply wasn’t curious enough to doubt the ideas and truths that I held at the time.


All these concepts are continuing process.

A process that involves freeing myself from the bonds of the past.

What do you think is stopping you from changing your life for the better? Comment below.

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