What matters the most? Loneliness vs a Shared history

I’ve been watching recently watching the tv series Dawson’s Creek. I remember watching it at the turn of the millennium. At least the first three series anyway.

I couldn’t resist finding out what happens next, so I checked out the Wikipedia episode guide to catch a glimpse of the future story. Finding out how the last episode ended.

As with all last episodes and also final films it reflects back on the past between the characters.

Remembering what has changed between them,  the shared experiences, witnessing each other’s lives. Noticing how people have changed over that time.

I have realised in recent months, just as I remember back sixteen years ago, that this one of the things I want the most.

To be connected to another person, whether it a partner, a friend, even a rival is that they share a history. Sometimes a very long one, like those characters portrayed in Dawson’s Creek.

For me, other stories that have reminded me of this include Cheers, Friends, Harry Potter, Babylon 5, Mass Effect games, Star Wars, Raymond E Fiest novels and more. Stories all have the same thing in common, people facing life, the ups and downs, joys and sorrows.

I am upset and profoundly sad that no-one has witnessed the significant changes that have happened to me over the past few years. I’m no longer the person I once was. Yet only my therapist knows this about me. I don’t think even my family has picked up on the changes within me.

But I want people to know. This is why isolation and loneliness hurts. There’s little or nothing to connect you to another person. They haven’t witnessed your struggles, your triumphs, and you haven’t theirs.

Think back to a story you have read or watched. Think back to the last chapter, the last episode. Where the loose ends are tied up, where the past is often reflected upon.

If your life were to end today, what past would you share with someone else? Would there be any witnesses to your existence?

This is one thing that stories remind me is important. The shared struggle is what brings people together. Even if that sharing comes to an end at some point. It’s the common past that makes your friends, friends.

A shared history is what knits two people or a group together. It’s the same for family, it’s not that you bloodlines, that matter, it’s that you have a past.

I haven’t been connected to anyone deeply for my whole life, and I feel that emptiness within. That lack of entanglement, or a history is keenly felt.

I have heard the saying, that it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. I agree because it goes back to what I have said above.

To be happy is to feel connected, to have your life intertwined, entangled with another person, with the world around you.

Stories always seem to make me feel this desire and this sense of emptiness.

A shared past is something we all need with someone else. Our existence seems more real when other people know we exist.

This is why we must reach out, and not wait to be called out.

Make that call, go out and spend time with others. Share your hopes and dreams, fears and failures. Bare you soul, as much as you can.

Each time you do this you are weaving your life together with theirs, you will share a mutual past.

I see now that this is never a waste of time.

I feel like I’m rambling now so I’ll ask some questions.

Do stories remind you of a shared history you have with someone?

Do you feel a lack of a shared history like I do?

How many people know of your past?

Who knows of your struggles and witnessed the changes within you?

Image Credit: andresr / 123RF Stock Photo

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